


The Martyr Syndrome

by Hajk2_00



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Domestic Violence, F/F, F/M, Hospitals, Humanstuck, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sensitive Material, Substance Abuse, Unrequited Love, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-23 16:25:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/624192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hajk2_00/pseuds/Hajk2_00
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Terezi is diagnosed with a severe mental disorder, will Karkat be able to help her like he wishes to? Or will developing problems in his own mind get in the way first? And how long can he keep it hidden from his friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Who's Crazy?

**Author's Note:**

> So I had originally put this up on FF.net, but since I heard they're pulling stuff from there, I think I'd rather put my stuff up on here now. So, TMS will be moved from FF.net to AO3 from this day forward. My apologies for the inconvenience.

_Who's crazy?_

_The one who can't cope,_

_Or maybe,_

_The one who still hopes?_

_The one who sees Doctors,_

_Or the one who just waits in the car…?_

\-------------------

You weren't really sure when it had started; it just happened, no explanations given: the little glitches in her mood, the way she forgot things that didn't seem likely for her to forget, her sudden bouts of anger, an abrupt change in mood. You were aware that she had been abrasive, it was a given around her, but it started taking a turn towards a more violent, almost begrudged tone. You wondered if it was just the fact that you were gone so often now, going to school and studying to become biology professor, majoring in microbiology. But it steadily got worse, more involved and violent, louder and louder and more complicated until you confronted it. 

"'Rezi? I think we need to talk." You had stated, simply, as she sat on the couch one day, her knees drawn to her chest as she fingered the braille pages of a book on the arm of the piece of furniture. 

"Oh? About what, Karkles, did I forget something again? I think you make stuff up to make me feel bad sometimes! Hehehehe…" 

"'Rezi, what's wrong? You've been acting different lately, is someone making phone calls? Are other people in the complex bothering you?" she turns a page and fingers along the lines, silent, "Terezi?" 

"Hehehehe~" 

"Goddammit, Terezi, answer my damn question!" 

"Nothing's wrong, Karkat. I'm fine." She pretends to be absorbed in her book. 

"No, something's wrong, I'm sure of it. Is it a mental thing? Do you feel depressed lately? I can't fucking help if you don't tell me." 

"Maybe I don't want your damn help." 

"….What?" 

She turns, and smiles at you, blind eyes behind red glasses and a smile like a 1000 watt bulb.

"I didn't say anything!" 

She then turns back to her book, and a heavy silence falls over you two. You're tempted to ask her again, but she seems to have deemed the conversation over, so, you grab your book-bag, your keys, and your jacket. 

"I'll be back around Three-thir—" 

"I know." 

"…" 

"What?" 

You open your mouth to speak, but decide against it, shaking you head, "Don't get into trouble while I'm gone…" you pause for a moment, and then walk over, kissing her forehead tenderly, "I love you, 'Rezi… I'm just trying to help…" 

"I know you are." 

"Do you want me to call Nepeta to stay over?" 

"No, I'll be fine! If you don't go though, you'll be late." 

"Shit, you're right." You make your way for the door again, but her voice stops you. 

"Karkat?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I love you… Have a good day at school." 

"I will." 

And the subject was dropped. 

But, of course, things like this are always bound to get out of hand. There is never a moment where something of this nature does not spiral out of control, out of your hands and into the far reaches of space. You continue to notice that Terezi gradually gets worse; she irritates easily, sometimes she snaps or lashes out at you violently, sometimes she'll cry for no reason, and something particular… 

Sometimes, she acts like she's another person. 

She doesn't remember anything you might have said that day, and her demeanor does a near 360 in terms of personality. It even has a name. 

It calls itself PyralSprit. PS for short. 

PyralSprit is almost the complete of how Terezi normally is, or was, in this case. It complains, constantly, about how it's blind, and instead of using Terezi's cane, it sniffs things out, licks them, uses its sense of touch; Almost as if it's attempting to avoid using the cane. It comments on everything you do, snarky and irritating, saying how it could do them better. How it was better than you were, in every way. Sometimes, you wanted to smack them, to just strangle them to shut them up, but every time you turned to look at the owner of the voice— 

It was Terezi sitting there, and how could you ever hurt her? 

"Don't think I don't know how much you wanna try to hurt me, Karcrabby~" 

"Shut up." 

"You just hate me so much, and you can't bring yourself to beat me~!" 

"Shut. Up." 

"I wonder how long it will be before you just get so fed up you—" 

"Shut. UP." You snap, and PryalSprit seems surprised at the sudden change in attitude, a smirk creeping up on its—No, Terezi's, face. 

"Heh. Maybe you're not as weak as I thought! I might actually be entertained like this!" 

You're positive you've never wanted to deck someone more in your entire life, but you couldn't. You can't, it's her. It's her, but it's not. The body is hers, but her mind isn't there. You tug at your hair, and scrub your face with your hands, and glance at her, mind there or not, and repeat the process over again. Something had to be done. You didn't want to have to force her to do anything, how could you do that. After what your father had done to her? How could you do anything to harm her, after you've grown so close, after you've told her you love her…? 

But you give in. Within the week, you're sitting in the office of a psychiatrist, foot tapping rapidly on the aluminum floor as you slide your tongue between the gaps in your back teeth in anticipation. Terezi is sound asleep on your shoulder, since you had to wake her up early just to bring her into the office and have them poke and prod her, ask her questions and record her answers. You glance at her out of the corner of your eye, noting her features. 

You've taken her glasses off, since they seemed uncomfortable when one was trying to sleep, and soft, auburn eyelashes are visible against barely-tanned skin. Her thick, almost anime-like styled hair curls up around her face and flips out in the back, a dark-brown color with almost maroon-like highlights. It gave her hair a russet color effect, almost like the color of granite, in your opinion. Her nails are painted with teal tips, her pointer finger with a careful, tedious, golden dragon design on it; the paint-job done by Terezi's close friend Nepeta, who had an avid crush on you all of high-school. 

You carefully slide your fingers together just as the door to the office opens, revealing an old man, around the age of 66; wiry, gray hair balding at the top of his head, hands thin and boney with years of meticulous work about chemicals, messy signatures, and microscopes. He examines a clipboard in his hand for a moment, scrubbing his hand over his mouth, as if wondering how to proceed. 

"Mr. Vantas, I assume?" He looks up at you, over-top thick glasses, and you make a noise of acknowledgment, so he continues, "Well, I do apologize for the long wait. Such matters as these require the proper time and assessment before we may move on, now…" He looked up again and pointed a finger at Terezi's sleeping form, glancing to his clipboard, "We ran… several tests on her… cell counts, hormone checks, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera…" 

"And? What did you find? There's gotta be something wrong with her, fuck, she keeps having these weird mood changes! She acts like she's someone else and snaps at me all the fucking time when I haven't done anything! Sometimes she says shit that doesn't make sense and talks to people who aren't there, like "Senator Lemonsnout", wherever the fuck that came from…" You scowl for a moment and look up at the Doctor once more, "What the Hell is wrong with her?" 

"Well, Mr. Vantas… We aren't absolutely certain, but we are very nearly completely sure that your wife—" 

"Girlfriend." 

"Excuse me?" 

"She's not my wife. She's my girlfriend." You say, bluntly, squeezing Terezi's hand a little tighter as the doctor nods. 

"My apologies, your girlfriend. Mr. Vantas, we are almost positive that your girlfriend, Ms. Pyrope, is subject to mental disorders." He puts it gently, looking at you for your reaction as you rub the bridge of your nose. 

"Alright, that doesn't fucking help, though. Exactly what is wrong with her?" 

The Doctor inhales, as if preparing himself mentally before he speaks to Karkat very calmly, "Mr. Vantas, your girlfriend, Ms. Terezi Pyrope, has contracted DID; Better known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. It is also…" he pauses again and sighs, "It is also the beginning stages of Schizophrenia." 

You blink a little. There was medication for that, right? It was just a mental thing, so surely there was meds for that. 

"Alright, how do we cure it?" You ask. 

"Mr. Vantas, I'm afraid there is no treatment for this." 

"….What?" 

"There is no cure for these disorders." The Doctor states again, "There are some medications that may help control the symptoms, but it will never go away. I'm terribly sorry." 

And that was the end of that. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. 

Just be there for her, no matter what…. 

"…est….iend….? Bes… Frien...? Best friend?" Karkat's eyes opened slowly, blinking the bleary color out of them as he rubbed them with the back of his hand, the person's voice finally reaching his ears, "Best friend? Haha, bout time you woke up, motherfucker! It's a motherfucking miracle, 'cause you got class in half an hour! Heheh." 

"Oh… fuck, man, why didn't you wake me up earlier? Goddammit, Gamzee!" The shorter male, whose height is clocking in at about 5'8 right now, stands up abruptly, rubbing the sleep out of his face as his friend leans back in his seat in the library, grinning lazily as usual. 

"Well, damn, I didn't wanna wake a motherfucker from his nap! You looked dead-beat, man; you been staying up with Ter all night again?" The man raises an eyebrow at Karkat, who grumbles in acknowledgment, "You gotta stop doin' that, bro, she'll take all the life outta ya'. Why don't you let her chill at my place for a night, you can catch up all your sleep? I know how to treat a sister, no worries, best-friend. I make motherfucking miracles happen." 

"Gamzee, there's a snowball's chance in hell I'm letting Terezi stay over at your house for a night, not with all those fucking drugs you have. She could die from some of the things you make!" He growls and Gamzee puts his hands up defensively. 

"Alright, no worries, man. But if you ever need a break from her, I could always spend time with a motherfucker like that, she's cool." He grins, and it's lazy and relaxed, though some might find it seductive if they looked at it the wrong way; Karkat knew better than that by now, though. He grunts in acknowledgement and digs his phone out of his pocket, checking the time. 

"I should run home really quick…" he muttered and Gamzee sighed. 

"Karkat, dude, you gotta trust her to take care of herself! I know you're worried, but you can't miss your classes for her. Call and tell her whatever you need to tell her, and she'll take care of herself. Miracles can happen if you put out a little trust." A smile tugged onto his lips as Karkat debated it in his head, running a hand through his hair, his heart thumping in his chest with some sort of worry or fear. 

"…I need to see her. Can you give me a ride? Your car smells like pot, but it'll get me there quicker than walking. I gotta stop and get my books anyways…" he mutters, stuffing his phone back into his pocket as his companion shrugged. 

"Sure, I'm down for it, let's go before traffic gets too heavy." He got up lazily, and sauntered to the door, Karkat shuffling close behind him, muttering something about having a project he needed to finish this weekend as they went. 

It wasn't long before they arrived at Karkat's apartment: a dingy little place for cheap just outside the big city, near smaller suburbs. It wasn't huge, but it was big enough to house him, Terezi, and their few belongings comfortably. Shutting the door behind him, he began to walk towards the apartment, turning around to see Gamzee not far behind him, "What are you coming inside for? I'll only be a few minutes…" 

"I wanna see Ter! Haven't talked to her in a long while, you know? Gotta check up on my sister and shit." He lets out a soft snort of a laugh and Karkat opens his mouth to argue with him at first, and then decides it's not worth it, unlocking the apartment. 

"Alright, just… wait here until I say you can come in, okay? Got shit in the way, don't want you to trip…" Gamzee made a noise of acknowledgment and lit up a cigarette, leaning against the brick of the wall and taking a drag, seeming content with waiting for a moment as Karkat shuffled into the dim light of his abode. There were several boxes in the living-room, he noticed, that had not been there this morning. They were labeled with "Jury", "Defendant", and "His Honorable Tyranny", and from a hook in the ceiling from when they had hung up Christmas lights, there hung a yellow, stuffed dragon toy Terezi had bought from some store. There was a sign around its neck, labeling it "Accused", Karkat noticed with a soft snort. 

Carefully maneuvering his way to the room in the back, the one him and Terezi shared, he knocked on the door lightly, waiting until he heard "Come in!" before opening it, peeking in with a tired smile, "Hey, 'Rezi…" 

"Oh, Karkat! I thought you had classes soon, what are you doing home? Did you come to speak with Inspector Cherrybottom about the fingerprints on the table in the living room? They're not yours, and they're not mine! They must belong to someone else! There has been a crime committed here, I am sure of it!" She went on, as Karkat hung his head a little and ran his hand through his hair again. 

"'Rezi, you need to take your meds…" he muttered and she stared at him before smiling. 

"I don't know what you're talking about, Karkat! I threw those silly things in the dumpster this morning!" she exclaimed, humming and speaking in hushed tones to something unseen as Karkat furrowed his brow. 

"What do you mean you threw them out? Terezi, do you know how expensive those pills are? You need to be taking your medication properly, like the doctor said!" He lashed, his voice rising above the calm tone he had adapted earlier as Terezi narrowed her eyes at him. 

"I'm not taking those damn drugs! You want me to end up with an empty head like Gamzee? Those pills are government-issued, no way am I taking them! They're fucking me up when there's nothing wrong with me! The Doctors are wrong, Karkat!" She pouted some and Karkat growled in return to her tone. 

"No, Terezi, there is something wrong with you! That's why I got you those pills, so you could feel better! I wouldn't make you take them if I didn't think they were helping you! You need to go find those pills before tonight, and bring them back here! You're taking your damn medication, whether you like it or not! I'm not being mean, I'm doing what's best for you, and you know it!" 

"There's nothing wrong with me, Karkat! I'm fucking fine, Jegus! It's bad enough you pretend Senator Lemonsnout and my forensics team don't exist, but now you're saying I'm fucked up when I'm not! Lies are evil, Karkat, they attract bad spirits! You must not tell lies! I'm not taking those pills, they take my friends away! Why should I give up my friends because some doctor mixed me up with someone else? Stop trying to corner me!" She raised her voice as well and Karkat tugged at the hair on the sides of his head in exasperation. 

"Terezi! Will you fucking listen to yourself! There is no Senator Lemonsnout, or forensics team, or bad spirits, or government scandals! I'm not lying; you're just not paying attention! You need to take that medication, do you understand me? If you don't go out and find that fucking medication by the end of tonight, I'll bring Vriska over here and let her deal with your crazy ass for once!" he shouted at her, abruptly turning on heel and slamming the bedroom door behind him, grabbing his books off the couch and kicking over one of the boxes in anger as he stormed out the door in a huff, making a B-line for Gamzee's car as the man with the smoke looked up. 

"Oh, bro, you look motherfuckin' pissed. I thought I heard yelling, what happened back there? You catch her cheating or something?" he asked as he dropped his cigarette on the concrete, snubbing it out with the toe of his shoe as Karkat leaned his head against the passenger's side of the vehicle, thumping his fist off of the roof of the car once before cursing and turning over, setting his hands on his head and his back against the car, "That bad, huh? What happened?" 

"She won't fucking listen is what happened!" Karkat screeched as he banged his hand off of the car again, regretting it afterwards as he rubbed the skin, "She won't listen, Gamzee! She doesn't listen to a word I fucking say, unless it's about something stupid and nonsensical! She keeps insisting shit is there when it's not! She makes up these stories, she hides things and claims it was a ghost, bad spirits-! She refused to take her goddamn medication, and throws it in the dumpster!" He breathed, heavily, attempting to calm himself as his heart beat loudly in his chest, his palms sweating, a headache coming on; he had to prevent that. 

"Damn, Karkat… See. I wasn't around my uncle enough to know about all that… but you live with that shit on a daily basis, how are you still sane?" he joked and Karkat scoffed, leaning his head on the cool metal that began to develop a filmy dew from the moisture in the air, "Maybe you need a break, man." 

"I can't take a damn break, Gamzee… If I don't take care of her, who will…? I can't fucking leave her, and even if I could, I'm not about to. What kind of dick would I be if I left a girl because she didn't understand what was wrong with her…?" he shook his head a little, "It's just… frustrating… how am I supposed to help her if I can't get her to take her pills…?" he questioned. 

"I don't know, man." Gamzee stated plainly, "Guess you'll just have to motherfucking wait and see what happens…" the man checked his watch, "Oh shit, we gotta run. You got class, I got a date with a hot bowl, hehe." He made a suggestive motion with his eyebrows and Karkat facepalmed. 

"As if I need to know about what drugs you want to do when you get home, fuckass. Just drive already." He said, slipping into the seat, shutting the door and buckling up. There was a small moment of silence before Karkat spoke again, "Do you think I can fix it…? I know there's no cure but… do you think I can do something to just… make it easier? Make her life easier, and mine?" 

"Well, like I said, you could always drop her off with someone, bro, there's plenty a' people who'd baby sit for a few extra bucks, ya know? Just ask around, you'll find someone, hehe." He suggested, leaning back in his seat in a relaxed posture as he drove. 

"I can't just drop her off with someone else, Gamzee!" he facepalmed again, "They don't know anything about her. They don't know her like I do, she'd die in a day." 

"Well, you're gonna kill yourself like this, man. She's sucking the life outta you like that, you gotta catch a miracle and doing something with her, quick, before it gets much worse, you know?" he sighed. 

"I know…" Karkat muttered, begrudged, "Take care of her and hope for the best… that's all I'm doing…." 

"Now you're getting it, bro! Relax a little, it's god for ya'! Trust me, I got your back if anything goes wrong." The male grinned, punching Karkat's shoulder playfully as the other snickered. 

"Yeah, thanks man… definitely appreciate it…" 

"No problem, best-friend, anytime. Just hit me up, hehe, I can watch sis for ya'. She won't be a problem at all, I'd have it handled." Karkat rolled his eyes. 

"Yeah, while she's high as a kite, sure you would." He sighed a little and rubbed his temples, "I just want her to cooperate for once…" 

"All you can do it wait, Kar. It's a waiting game, all of it, trust me. You'll figure it out in a little time, promise." He chuckled a bit before nodding in Karkat's direction, "Dude, what's up with that? 

"What's up with what?" 

"Dude…" he gave him an uneasy look, "You've put hand sanitizer on your hands like, 3 times in the last 4 minutes. Where'd you even get that…?" 

"I…." Karkat furrowed his eyes, "…." 

"I don't know." 


	2. Gloomy Days are Made for Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing the alter-ego, Pyralsprite

_As he's watching her eyelids close_

_In the T.V. glow, he can't help thinkin' that_

_She's a tightrope walker_

_And he's the streets below her…_

\-----

"Ugh, God dammit…" Karkat grumbled to himself as he pulled away from the electronic microscope, rubbing his sore eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose as he eyed his lab partner with distaste, "You know, why don't you make yourself useful and look at the fucking microscope for once, instead of always sticking me with it. I'm gonna go blind that thing is so damn bright."

"And that's exactly w-why I stuck you w-with it. My eye-sight is bad enough as is, so quit your w-whinin' an' tell me w-what I should be w-writin' dow-wn." came the snarky and wavy-sounding reply as Karkat turned to examine his partner with a frustrated, tired look.

The boy stood up straight, with a rather snooty demeanor, at 5 feet and 11 inches. His brown hair was combed back and jelled into place neatly, with a vivid purple streak running from the middle-front of his hairline, to about the center of his head, tapering off to blend in near the end. He wore a thick set of square-framed, hipster-like glasses that were always being pushed up on his nose, as they were just slightly too big for his face. He has six, thick, gold rings on each of his hands, specially created for him (Or so people were told); a thick, black sweater with the Aquarius symbol stitched neatly onto the pocket of the left side; blue dress slacks with meticulous, inch-thick black lines running alone the seams, and a pair of purple and blue converse to complete his ensemble. Karkat grimaced at his particular clothing choice for that day, but kept his side-comments on the man's apparel quiet for now as he leaned on the counter, crossing his arms over his chest.

"No fucking way, you don't pull any of your own weight in this partnership, why the Hell should I give you the answers?" He complained, bitterly, and his friend looked up from the paper he had been writing on, in the middle of writing a name in neat, elegant cursive. The current portion read "Block 3; Biology 103; Karkat Vantas and Eridan Amp", and the boy's last name seemed to be unfinished as he frowned.

"W-well, Cod know-ws someone as to do all the w-writin', an' your chicken-scraw-wl is nearly illegible to anyone outside of a gov-vernment agency. Now-w quit your complainin' an' do w-what I glubbin' told you, already!" Eridan snapped back at him, staring at the paper before carefully finishing what he was writing, leaving the last name "Ampora" on the page with a satisfied grin.

"Excuse me? There's no fucking way I'm taking orders from a douchebag like you just because your father is famous for doing something no one actually gives a shit about! Being rich doesn't give you special privileges in my book, Eridan, so you better watch your mouth! I know for a fact you'd fail this class without me because no one else can put up with your obnoxious ass for more than ten seconds! Now come here and look through this fucking microsc—"

"Glub, glub, glub~! Do I hear something fishy going on between Karcrab and Erifin? What could you two porpiously be arguing about this time?" a sweet and bubbly voice interrupted Karkat as a young, smiling girl walked to their table. She wore fuchsia, oval-rimmed glasses that rested near the bottom of her nose, and a headband around the top of her head that pushed up her hair, giving it the effect of having extra volume, as small, angelfish-shaped earrings made a soft tinkling noise when she moved. A long, white lab-coat was buttoned at the middle, around her waist, as many necklaces in various colors adorned her neck, complimenting the many on her wrists as well. Beneath her jacket, she wore a plain, white button-up blouse and a pastel-pink skirt that stopped just below her knees, with sandals to complete her colorful-attire.

"Oh, hey, Fef… Um, no, w-we're not aruguin', Karkat's just bein' an undertow-w again!" Eridan was quick to pipe up, which earned him another unamused glare from Karkat as the girl chuckled.

"Oh, Karkat, you're so silly! Learn to lighten up, little guppy! I know Erifin can be tough as tortious shells to work with sometimes, but he's best suited to be your partner! You two reely oar the brightest in this school of fishes!" She clasped her hands together at her chest, still smiling brightly as Karkat carefully watched Eridan shuffle a little in place, obviously at a lack of words for what to say.

"Yeah, well, I think the microscope is brighter than he is." Karkat retorted as he rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers, "I'm just saying, maybe he should do something other than write, for once. It's pretty damn annoying when it feels like I'm doing 80% of the work in this partnership." He growled, and Eridan made a face at him as the woman giggled at the two of them, waving her hand a little to settle them.

"Oh, you two, come now—wrap this up! Class is almost over! Sollux and I were going to go out for coffee, you should come with us! Eridan, I remembered how much you like a good mocha! Glub, glub~" You would have sworn Eridan's face went violet and he was going to pass out on the floor as Karkat snickered quietly.

"W-Well, t-that w-would be lov-vely, Feferi! I'd reely like that, you know-w all the best places to go! But, does that freakin' nerd hav-ve to come w-with us? He's nothin' but a pest." Eridan requested with an annoyed tone, rubbing the side of his arm as he willed his blush away. It was painfully obvious to everyone but Feferi, who had always seen Eridan as her "closest glubbin' friend in the whole, wide ocean", that Eridan had fallen for Feferi's princess-like charms and appearance very hard. However, Sollux had been a constant block to him making other moves, as he and Feferi quickly became close friends and eventual lovers. Of course, from Feferi's view, their personalities simply clashed at times, but they were all the best of friends.

"No way! Sollux has just as many rights to spend time with me as you do, Eridan!" She puffed out her cheeks a little to show her disappointment, but Eridan insisted.

"But Fef! He's no glubbin' good for you, that low-w life! He's not fit for a w-woman of your preseagious caliber! He's not ev-ven fit to stand next to you! I don't get w-why he has to come along all the ti—"

"Eridan Ampora! I have had it up to my gills with you and your fishy "caliber" nonsense! You better straighten up about this and get used to Sollux being around, or I'm not gonna wanna be around you much longer, Mr. fussy gills!"

"Don't you take that tuna of v-voice w-with me, princess!—"

"No! I've had just about enough of this! For all that is salty in the sea, I should revoke your fish-pun license because you're so glubbin' mean to Sollux! Now what do you have to say for yourself?" She had a full-on frown now, puffing out her cheeks and hunching her shoulders as her brow furrowed in frustration.

"I don't hav-ve anythin' to say on the matter! I'm not hangin' out w-with that tw-wo eye-color freak, and that's final!" He snapped, and by now, the entire class had turned to see what all of the commotion was about as they packed the last of their bags and were delicately placing their experiments to the side so they wouldn't be touched and ruin days of work.

Feferi had a look of complete shock on her face, which quickly went from terror, to sadness, to rage in the span of a minute. With a cry of frustration as she pulled on the ends of her hair to show how angry she was, she turned to jab Eridan in the chest with a finger, "When you straighten up, come find me! Until then, I don't want to see a fin from you outside of class, got that?" and she glared at him for a moment as a tall, lanky boy appeared in the doorway with a low whistle.

"Well. What thort of trouble did you get yourthelf into thith time, Ed?" had the sarcastic tone come, followed by a snicker as Eridan seemed to seethe with hate and distaste.

"W-What the fuck do you w-want, Captor? You don't ev-ven hav-ve class on this side a' school. Get the fuck outta here, before I sock you." He growled and the boy held up his hands defensively, smirking.

"Hey, no need to be tho violent. I'm jutht here to get my girl, no troubleth." He sauntered in, towards Feferi, taking her hand and placing a kiss on the knuckles in a very gentlemanly-like manner as her manner seemed to instantly mellow out and return to its peppy demeanor.

"Sollux! I would have been outside to meet you in a few minutes! I just got a little caught up here with the boys, glub, glub, glub!" her smile was as bright as a summer morning, and anyone in the world could have seen the look of utter heart-break on Eridan's face as he made a noise of dismissal, turning away and beginning to clean up his and Karkat's experiment.

"Well, I wathn't buthy with anything, tho I figured I would come and get you. Good thing to, looked like Ed here wath about to blow a gathket. Ehehehe, did him and Karkat thart arguing over who'th turn it wath on thomething again?" Sollux guessed with accuracy, a raised eyebrow at the two boys as he settled an arm about her shoulders, a smug grin on his face, "Can I expect company on our little coffee trip? They already theem tho enthuthed, Fef."

"Oh, of course! If you don't mind, Sollux, I think it would be fun to have our friends along! So long as Mr. "grumpy-gills" Ampora can be nice to everyone!" She shot the male a look and he scoffed, shoving his papers into his bag.

"W-Well, I hope you all hav-ve a nice time out. I'v-ve got w-work to do, so don't w-wait up for me." He muttered bitterly, swinging his backpack over his shoulder and storming out of the room with the majority of the other students, who had decided the commotion was no longer worth watching, and that they should move on with their lives. Feferi sighed heavily, hanging her head a little as Sollux rubbed her shoulder reassuringly.

"Don't worry about him, Fef, he'th alwayth gonna be like that. Nothing you can do about it, unlesth you can work miracles." He noted and she nodded, appearing tired of the subject already, as Sollux glanced up to Karkat, "Tho, KK, you up for thome coffee? My treat, you look like you could uthe the caffine. You jutht might pasth out otherwithe, ehehehe."

"Yeah…" the male muttered, scrubbing his face with a hand, attempting to fend off an oncoming headache. He could practically hear his heartbeat in his ears, the whole time, and it all but drowned out Feferi and Eridan's argument. There had been so many people watching… couldn't these other college kids just mind their own business for once? Why did everyone have to watch everything that didn't end with sunshine and rainbows? Who knows what they thought of them now? Who knows what they thought of him, for not doing anything while they argued?

Of course, thoughts like that only made his heart beat faster, and his head throb in pain as he spoke to Sollux again, "Yeah, coffee sounds real fucking good right now. That goddamn bastard, gave me a headache with his yelling…" he blamed as he continued to kneed his forehead, though it didn't seem to aid him any. Sollux only grinned to himself, ruffling the younger male's hair affectionately and gesturing with a sharp jerk of his head to the side that they should get going. Karkat swore that he only needed to wash his hands first, before they left.

15 minutes later, they were still waiting for him to come out of the bathroom, the sound of running water quiet through the door.

The coffee-shop wasn't that far from campus, maybe only a 20 minute drive in heavy traffic, but that was rather rare and they had gotten there in 10, easily. The whole way, Feferi and Sollux had been chattering about classes, upcoming projects, and the promise of summer after a murky, rainy spring season in the city. Feferi had a beach house down in Florida, and she would be more than happy to invite all her friends to spend a week or two there, because "nothfin is more fun than playing the ocean!"

However, Karkat had been tuning the conversation out most of the time, and was barely aware of when he was being addressed, as he had been staring out the window, watching the light rain dampen the side-walk and chase people into their homes.

"…abby…? Karcrab….? Karcrabby? Karcrab!" he suddenly sat up a little straighter to show he was listening, turning to Feferi who had a concerned look upon her face, her lips pursed in worry, "Karkat, are you okay? You seem out of it! Is there something on your mind?"

"I'm not out of it! I'm completely fine, so just—" he cut himself off, taking a moment to cool his head and quiet his voice, taking on a more sincere tone, "I'm fine, Feferi, don't worry about it. I'm just a little worried about Terezi, since she doesn't like thunderstorms, and I'd hate to not be there if one starts."

"Oh! Well, do you need me to take you home? I would hate to keep you from her, if it's really important to you! I know you two are together a lot, so I figured it might be nice to spend time with your friends for a change, but if you're reely worried about it-!"

"It's not that big of a deal, okay? So just stop fucking talking about it!" he cut her off, snapping as she seemed startled by it, and he mentally hit himself for the comment, "Just… can we not talk about it? I said I'd come out for coffee, and I'm not gonna back out on that, so let's just move. On." Feferi looked like she wanted to say something, but before she could speak, Sollux set three coffees on the small, round table and took his seat, one eye-brow raised questioningly.

"And what were you two talking about?" he asked, and Karkat growled to show his disapproval, "Ehehehe, I'm only joking with you, KK, no need to be tho riled up about everything all the time." He spoke soothingly to the cancer, sliding a hot coffee towards him, handing another to Feferi, and taking one for himself, "But really, what'th the thundercloud face for? Did Nepeta get your number again or thomething?"

"Haha, fucking, ha, Captor. You're just such a fucking riot, I'm gonna burst from laughing!" the tone was dripping with sarcasm as he leaned forward on the table, taking a tentative sip of his coffee so that he wouldn't burn his tongue before continuing, "It's nothing about Nepeta, I haven't heard from her in months! And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you about it because you couldn't keep your damn mouth shut!" Sollux had, indeed, been responsible for Nepeta obtaining Karkat's number at one point, but it was only once and he was unaware of the girl's growing desire to spend time with Karkat, but of course, Karkat had never let him get away with it.

"I'm thorry, what wath that? I wath too buthy texting Jathperth to have him bring Nepeta down here for coffee." He said, making a gesture as if he was texting under the table, looking serious and concentrated.

"What? You wouldn't! You fuckass, I'll wreck your computers if you text—"

"Thould I call him inthted?"

"Sollux!"

"Ehehehe, I'm only kidding, KK. Relax, before you have a thtroke from thresth or thomething."

"Too fucking late! You're gonna have to call the damn ambulance to take me away, and when they ask me what happened, I'm gonna say my crazy ass-hole of a friend tried to psych me out by sicking some crazy, cat-girl teen on me for the Hell of it!" he retorted, a vein in his head throbbing as Sollux only snickered, and Feferi giggled happily. You see, Jaspers was Nepeta's older brother, who had taken care of her after their parents passed away in a house fire six years before. Nepeta had met Karkat when she moved into the neighborhood for middle school, while Karkat was attending the high school; he had begun taking after-school calculus lessons at her house with Jaspers was his tutor. Though he could admit the girl wasn't a problem at first, he quickly grew irritated with her constant bothering and questions. Maybe he was a little hard on her, but when he left for college and she got ahold of his phone number and called four times a week to check up on him, he got fed up with it.

"Oh, Karcrabby, you're so silly sometimes! She really only has the best at heart! Maybe you should try to talk to her sometime!" Feferi offered with a smile.

"No fucking way am I dealing with that shit all over again. I haven't seen her in months, and the only reason I would go see her was if Terezi asked for us to." He scoffed, sipping his coffee once more before seeing the saddened look on Feferi's face and making a noise of frustration, "Well, do you really think I wanna go and fucking see her again after what I did the last time? The last time I got fed up with her, I screamed my head off, and she started crying! You think I wanna do that to her again?"

Both of his friends were silent as he breathed a little heavier, in attempts to calm himself down before speaking, "She's only a fucking kid, and she doesn't even understand anything yet. She's—what, 13 now? 14? You think I need to fuck up her view of guys anymore? No." he leaned back in his chair, swirling his coffee in its cup, watching it intently, "Can we move onto something else now? This shit is giving me a headache."

The rest of their time in the coffee shop consisted of an uncomfortable silence, and the occasional small-talk, a bit of laughter, and Karkat vanishing for periods of time to wash his hands. In the hour and a half they had been at the shop, Karkat had only drank three-fifths of his coffee, and gotten up to wash his hands six times, for 8 minutes increments.

By the time they actually left, and had offered to drive Karkat to his apartment, Sollux had been poking at him for being a germaphobic.

By the time Karkat had returned to his apartment, the rain was falling heavily outside, and the roll of thunder was soft in the distance. He thanked Feferi and Sollux for the coffee and the ride, grabbing his bag from the back-seat and rushing inside, though it didn't stop his hoodie from being soaked any.

Throwing his wet jacket on the couch, along with his bag of books, he called out, "Terezi? I'm home!" and waited for the reply which never came, "…Rezi?"

Slipping off his shoes, he walked to the backroom, opening the door slowly as to not startle her if she was sleeping or involved in something. But sure enough, she was sitting on the bed, chewing on a twizzler and cuddling one of her "scalemates" as she listened to a show on television, he guessed, since she couldn't actually see it.

"Terezi, there you are." He muttered, wandering over to her, and sitting beside her on the bed, surprised to find she actually had headphones in. He sighed and laughed softly to himself—that explained why she didn't hear him! Tapping her shoulder and pulling out one of the headphones, he spoke softly, "Rezi, what are you—"

"Who the fuck is Rezi? I got a name, but that sure as hell isn't it, hehehe! Or did you forget already~?"

Karkat grit his teeth.

"Pyralsprite."

"Oh, so you didn't forget! Guess you're not as dumb as you play off to be, Karkles!" a grin creeper up onto its face, making the teeth appear sharp and menacing as it gnawed on the twizzler still. Karkat dared look down at the plushie in its lap, and found it was Terezi's favorite, "Senator Lemonsnout", but the red buttons that were normally its eyes had been plucked out, making it as blind as its owner, "And how can I help you today?"

"You can get the fuck out of her head, you son of a bitch." He growled, receiving only a laugh in return.

"Oh, Karkles! Hehehe~" the body of Terezi widened its grin and narrowed its eyes.

"You have no idea what you're getting into."


	3. I'll Make You a Promise

_On the first page of our story_

_The future seemed so bright_

_Then this thing turned out so evil_

_I don't know why I'm still surprised_

\------

Karkat didn't have more than a moment to react, because the next second and he was on the floor, the wind knocked out of him as the thing inhabiting Terezi's body tackled him to the ground. With a frustrated growl as he tried to contain himself, he tried to grab her hands, but Pyral Sprite would have none of it. She scratched at Karkat's face, leaving bleeding welts in the wake of her nails as he glared, head-butting her hard enough to knock her back and off of him, so he could get a grip on her flailing limbs.

"Cut it out already! You're going to get her hurt! I'm not dealing with this shit today, so you better straighten the fuck up!" he shouted, trying to get past the physical being he was looking at and focus on what was inhabiting her mind.

"Not a chance in Hell! Who do you think you are, telling me to get out of her head like someone else owns this body! This body is mine! Nothing else will convince me otherwise!" It spat back at him, wrenching free of his grip and giving him a hard right hook to the face, sending him reeling back onto the dresser against the wall of the room him and Terezi shared. In an attempt to catch his balance, he knocked over two of the picture frames and sent the lamp over the edge. It makes a loud crunching noise as it smashed against the ground.

He hissed in pain, opening his eyes just in time to see her lunging at him again, moving just in time and slamming her hard into the dresser.

Face first.

With heavy breathing to calm his fiery nerves, he waited—tense—for her body to move once more, but it didn't. No, instead, it slumped down to its knees, leaving a trail of blood on the wood of the dresser before falling backwards, revealing a large gash on Terezi's forehead, and a few smaller scratches on her cheeks. She was out cold, probably with some degree of concussion, and was bleeding rather profusely. Karkat ran his fingers through his hair and kneeled down, pulling her close to his chest and brushing her hair out of her face.

"Rezi? Hey, Terezi, you okay? Shit, come on, wake up! Fuck!" He grit his teeth, attempting to pick her up a set her on the bed until he could get some sort of help. Of course, because he has the worst fucking luck, he hears the front door open with a click.

"Yo, Karkat? You here, my wicked brother? Sol-bro called me up, said you were pretty fussy and suggested I come check it out." Karkat's heart was thumping in his chest so hard he could feel it in his fingertips, listening as he heard Gamzee's lazy footsteps come closer to the room, "Karkat? You around?" and he gently pushed open the door to the bedroom, his eyes surveying the room for a moment before a look of surprise and worry formed, "Whoa. What motherfucking happened here—"

"Don't ask questions, dammit! I need to get her to a hospital! So are you gonna stand there, or help me?" he snapped, still trying to lift Terezi, which was harder than it looked considering he was shorter than she was.

"…Yeah, bro, I'll help you out." Gamzee replied, after a moment, walking over slowly and lifting Terezi with ease, cradling her like a child, "Get anything you need for this wicked trip. I'll put Sis here in the car." He said, giving Karkat a sort of uneasy smile, which looked awkward on his face, considering how carefree he normally was.

Karkat sat on the floor, looking up at the two of them and taking in the details: The way the blood traveled down the sides of Terezi's face and how limply she hung in Gamzee's arms, like a rag doll; He examined the way Gamzee held her tightly, keeping her head close to his chest and her arms were tucked safely within the hammock of limbs he had created. He watched how Gamzee's eyes fluttered from him, to Terezi, and back to him: slowly and with a kind of unmentioned knowledge. He pulled his eyes from them, setting his forehead on his knees for a moment before muttering his reply to Gamzee.

"Yeah… thanks. I'll be out there in a second." There was a moment of silence and then a grunt of acknowledgment before footstep fading away told him Gamzee had left the room. He waited, still as a statue, until he heard the click of the front door closing, and then in he breathed in, holding it for a second before letting it out.

Then he screamed.

"GOD. FUCKING. DAMMIT!" he screamed, tearing at the sheets of their bed, throwing one of the broken frames at the wall across the room, slamming his fists on the floor in frustration, horror, anger—at this point, he wasn't entirely sure. He just knew he needed to scream, and scream he did; at the top of his lungs, until his air ran out and his limbs stop destroying everything they could get their hands on, "SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! IT'S THAT THING IN HER HEAD! IT'S NOT HER FUCKING FAULT, DAMMIT! IT'S NOT HER FAULT!"

Of course, no one is around to hear him. The apartment is empty, as Gamzee and Terezi are waiting in the car for him, so they might take Terezi to the hospital.

The hospital...She had to go to the hospital because of him. Because he couldn't control his anger, and his frustration with something she had no control over either. He had harmed her because of something she had no choice in, and now she had to pay the price. If he hadn't felt horrible before, he sure as Hell felt horrible now. Pushing himself up from the floor, he opened the top drawer of the dresser, trying to avoid getting the blood on his hands. He searched under the piles of clothes and grabbed all of Terezi's medical and security information, stuffing it in his pocket as he wandered to the other side of the room, picking up the picture from the broken frame and putting that in his pocket at well.

Before putting on his shoes, he went to the bathroom, turning on the hot water and squirting the foamy, fruity smelling soap into his palms and rubbing them together vigorously. He scrubbed and scrubbed until he could practically feel his skin peeling off, and then he ran them under the scalding hot water, hissing a little at the burn, but washing away the soap effectively, drying his hands gently in the towel next to the sink.

He rushed to get his shoes on, not bothering tying them correctly as he rushed down the steps and into the front passenger's seat of Gamzee's car, giving Terezi's unconscious body in the back seat a brief glance before looking away with an angered expression, "C'mon already! Get us to the fucking hospital already!"

Gamzee chuckled softly, "I was just waiting for you, bro; wouldn't wanna drive off without ya'."

"Damn right you wouldn't." Karkat mumbled, "I don't care which fucking hospital. Just take us to one."

Terezi had been rushed into the emergency room as soon as they had arrived. Gamzee had offered to carry her in himself, but the doctors insisted he place her on the stretcher and let the professionals handle it. Much to his dismay, Karkat had not been allowed to go with them, as one of the nurses said he was required to fill out the paper work. With a large amount of effort, Karkat refrained from screeching at the nurse about how she 'had no fucking right' to keep him from his girlfriend and that their 'paperwork is complete bullshit!'

However, it didn't change the fact that he had to take the clipboard and a pen and fill out all the lines that would tell the doctor who she was, where she lived, how old she was, if she had any allergies, etc. Grumbling the whole way through, he filled it out in his scratchy handwriting as Gamzee watched intently as he could—which wasn't very hard since he zoned out every few moments.

After a grueling fifteen minutes or so of filling out many pages of paper work that he didn't really care about, Karkat slammed it down in front of the nurse who had handed it to him at her place at the front desk. Her head jerked up with surprise and she pursed her lips at his horrible attitude, "Thank you Mr.…" she glances to the clipboard, "Vantas? Yes, Vantas. Your girlfriend is in room eleven, down that hall…" she pointed to the left, "…and on the right side. She's sharing a room with one John Egbert, so we ask you be courteous of the other patient." She gave him a plastic smile and two visitor's passes, "Visiting hours end at nine. You may stay; however, your friend will have to leave."

"That's a stupid goddamn rule." Considering he drove you here? Yes, it is a stupid rule, because that means you'll have to either sleep in an uncomfortable hospital chair, or be spending the whole night worrying about your girlfriend who will wake up alone in the hospital with no idea what happened how she got there. Thank you, Universe, for fucking everyone over, "Whatever… Come on, Gamzee, let's go."

Gamzee made a noise of confusion, obviously having zoned out the whole time the nurse was talking, but Karkat doesn't give him time to explain as he tugs him in the direction of Terezi's room. Shuffling past doctors and weeping mothers until they reached the room marked '11' in bold, blue letters. Twisting the handle harder than needed, Karkat flung the door open, only to be confronted with a boy and his father, who seemed to be having a rather involved conversation.

"Oh—Shit. Um… sorry…" Karkat rubbed the back of his head uncomfortably, "I was just—fuck. I'm just looking for my girlfriend, okay? The nurse said she was in this room and—"

"You must be her boyfriend!" the boy on the bed spoke up, "The doctors were talking about you when they brought her in here. She's on the other side of the curtain, but I think she's sleeping." He said with a soft smile, and his father ran a hand through the boy's hair.

"Oh, um…" Karkat grimaced a little at the overzealous attitude of the boy, and at his own lack of observational skills. Of course she was on the other side of the curtain, how did he miss that? What a stupid mistake, "Thanks. What's your name anyways?"

"My name is John! Who are you?"

"I'm your God, pathetic human." He spoke, deadpan, as the boy chortled before laughing quietly, as to not awaken his roommate.

"That's funny, Mister! I like jokes to!" he smiled, all buckteeth and goofy and Karkat nearly made a comment on it, but John's dad spoke up first.

"You might wanna take a look at 'er. She seems pretty banged up." His voice was low and rather rugged, but it fit his face: square jawed with sideburns and stubble. He wore a fedora that was pulled low, as if to hide his eyes, and the suit he had on was disheveled and wrinkled, possibly from a sudden rush to get somewhere.

"I will. Thanks." Was all Karkat said to the man before walking across the room and sliding back the curtain with a gentle touch, the dismissal of the fabric revealing a stitched up and sleeping Terezi.

"Whoa, Sis got pretty wrecked." Gamzee commented, closing the curtain behind the two of them as he looked over the girl tucked in neatly under the sheets, "You wanna finally explain to me what motherfucking happened, bro?"

"I'll explain later. After that kid over there is asleep. I don't want anyone getting the wrong fucking idea." He growled a little, their side of the room growing quiet as Karkat listened to John and his father speak.

"I'm sorry, Dad! But that kid wandered right out in front of the cars! I knew I had to do something!" Oh, so the kid was in a car accident.

"It's alright, son. You did the right thing. It was only unfortunate that man did not stop his car when he saw you jump in the way. But you're a strong boy, I'm sure you'll heal up quickly." Yet his father sounded calm. Maybe he was one of those silent anger types.

"Yup! I'll be better real soon, just you watch!"

"I know, John, I know." Or maybe he just wasn't very emotional.

"…Hey, Dad? Is the other kid okay? Did he get hurt?"

"He's got a few scrapes and bruises, but he's alright thanks to you."

"That's good! Maybe the Doctor will let me visit him once I get my cast!"

"I don't see why not. I'm sure he'd be happy to have a visit from you."

"Maybe he'll be my new friend! It'll be awesome!"

"I know, son. I'm very proud of you."

"Heh, thanks, Dad!"

Karkat listened to the conversation with some amusement. He had never had a very good relationship with his father; in fact, he had moved out of the house for college because of his father. He had a bad tendency to lose his temper easily and drink in excess. Much of Karkat's early school days were spent hiding from him on his drunken binges. Terezi, being the justice-enthused female she was, always tried to step in once she was old enough to get food for herself, but it ended up with her nearly have to be taken to the hospital more than a few times. But she never given up, until a pair of needles to the eyes caused her to lose her sight. After that, her efforts to help Karkat decreased dramatically, even if she never blamed him for the incident.

He stared at the rise and fall of the line on her heart monitor, the red line mocking him for what he'd done, and it entranced him for a moment. He could only stare at it, watching his significant other's life tick away by seconds that were monitored by a machine that could not possibly comprehend the guilt in his heart or the pain in his head from all the frustration. He stayed that way until Gamzee placed a hand on his shoulder, smiling down on him in that lazy way he did.

"Yo, man. You should really get something to eat. It won't do you no good to be here on an empty stomach. I'll sit here with Ter while you go get something from the cafeteria." Karkat tensed, ready to protest, but Gamzee waved his hand at him, "No buts man. A motherfucker needs to get his munch on to keep his head straight. I'll keep a good eye on her, promise."

Karkat breathed in through his nose and ran a hand over his face, "Fine, whatever. I'll be right back." And he exited his side of the room, giving a passing glance at the father who sat beside John's bed, holding his hand reassuringly even though his son appeared to be asleep. He exited the room, letting the door close quietly behind him with a click as he stared at the white walls of the hospital before him. Everything was so white and sterile it hurt his head to look at it. He hunched over his shoulders and began shuffling his way across the hospital, down halls and through doors as he looked for the cafeteria.

The line was longer than it should have been, especially for this late at night. The food was tasteless and undercooked, so he didn't finish his whole meal, settling for eating some dessert and a bread roll, but skipping the main meal. Maybe he could get Gamzee to go out and bring him a pizza. Shuffling back into the hospital room where Terezi was, he found John to be fast asleep and his father absent, though his hat and PDA remained on John's bedside table. Karkat assumed it was to reassure his son he would return, and in case he would need to be contacted.

He took the quiet opportunity to scrub his hands in the bathroom, scalding hot water and copious amounts of soap applied to the skin to eliminate it of any harmful germs. This was a hospital; he'd hate to spread something, or, at least, that's what he told himself. Pushing back the sea-foam green curtain as he entered Terezi's side of the room, he found he to still be sleeping, and Gamzee sitting in a chair at her bedside, lying on his arm which lay on the bed, his free hand playing with Terezi's fingers like a small child might. Even with his calm demeanor, if anyone knew him half as well as Karkat did, they'd know the man was actually quite worried for the girl's safety. He was always a sort of older brother to Terezi, being supportive and helpful, even if he couldn't be considered the best of influences by most people's standards.

Karkat watched them for a moment before clearing his throat, which got Gamzee's attention as he sat up and leaned back in the chair, though his fingers never left Terezi's, "I'm probably gonna stay here tonight. You can go home if you—"

"Woah, woah, hold up a motherfucking second. You still haven't told me what happened here. Come on, spill it already." Karkat gave him an irritated look and rolled his eyes.

"Fine, whatever, I'll tell you. You better not tell anyone else, though, you got that? I will fucking kill you personally if you do." Gamzee snickered a little at the threat, but nodded, "You know, it wasn't even my fault—It wasn't her's either but—Ugh! It's that damn split personality of hers! Whatever the fuck is wrong with her head is what did this!" he pulled at his hair in irritation, "I came home from the coffee place with Sollux and Feferi because I know how Terezi hates being alone during storms! I came home, and when I came to look for her, the bedroom was already a huge mess because of that thing in her head! She came at me first! I was defending myself, and I got really fucking pissed off and—"

He took in a deep breath to try and keep calm. He could feel his palms sweating—he would need to wash them again, he just knew it—and he stuck his hands in his pockets, looking away from the other two in the room, "I slammed her head into the dresser, alright? I didn't think it would hurt her that fucking badly, but when there was blood on the handles and she had this huge gash in her head—Shit, I felt bad, okay? It wasn't her fault! She's in here because of me and she's not even gonna know why! She doesn't need this shit!" he stomped a foot on the floor in frustration, rubbing his forehead in attempts to keep the headaches away, "We don't need this shit."

"No one needs this stuff to happen, Karbro, it happens on its own. Can't control the mirthful messiahs choices about it all." He waved his hand in a sort of circle motion to emphasize his point, "The good point is that Sis here is gonna be all right, and she's gonna motherfucking forgive you for it. Ter ain't the kind of chick to hold grudges, you know what I mean? She doesn't pull that shit."

"Yeah, I know…It's still my damn fault, though, and I'm pissed off because I know better than to do that kind of shit to her when she's in that kind of state. Ngh…I'm just sick of it…" he rubbed the back of his neck in an awkward sort of manner, looking away as Gamzee chuckled and stood up, mussing up his hair with a hand.

"Everything will be alright, bro. She'll be back to her wicked self in no time. I'll leave you here tonight and check up on you both in the morning." He stretched his gangly limbs for a moment, pushing up his hoodie sleeves, "G'night, bro. Catch ya' later."

"Yeah. See you tomorrow." Karkat mumbled as he watched Gamzee slide back the curtain and exit the room. He waited for a moment, then checked and made sure that John was still asleep before closing the curtain once more and taking his seat beside Terezi, where Gamzee had sat. He looked at the stitched on her forehead and by her eyes, the few bandages on her cheeks and arms. He noted the IV attached to her arm and the object which would monitor her heartbeat and blood pressure. He saw they had changed her clothes to a cotton hospital gown, and watched how her chest rose and fell with the beep of the monitor, assuring him she was still living and breathing just fine. He put his head in his hands for a moment, taking it in, freezing the picture in his mind before taking ahold of Terezi's hand with his own. He held it tight, but not so tight it might hurt her, and laid his other arm on the bed next to her body, laying his head on it as he watched her intently.

"You're gonna be alright. Why the fuck am I worrying so damn much? I guess—"He bit his lip, "None of this is your fault, Rezi. I shouldn't have let this happen." He sighed a little, "I'm gonna make sure I take really good care of you from now on. I'm going to be the best fucking boyfriend to ever walk this God forsaken earth, just you wait. I'm going to love you and cherish you and you will never end up here, like this, ever again because of me." The only response was the beeping of the machine and the sound of her quiet breathing.

"I'm not gonna let this happen again. I promise." He stated, squeezing her hand slightly as he blinked twice before shutting his eyes, falling asleep to the consistent beat of the machine monitoring her heartrate.


	4. Breathing Underwater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Kankri

_Have you ever loved someone so much_

_You'd give an arm for her?_

_Not the expression, no_

_Literally give an arm for her?_

_When they know they're your heart_

_And you know you are they're armor_

_And you would destroy anyone who would try to harm her_

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The first sounds Karkat hears upon his wake are the excited, high-pitched giggles and whispers of a girl who would be no more than fourteen years of age, and the well thought-out, crisp and precise words of someone their later twenties. Terezi's voice was there too, although not as loud or as frequent as the other two, which he swears he could place if his head would just clear up. He moves to rub his eyes, but instead of the feeling of soft skin meeting his eyelids it is the coarse fabric of the extra blankets hospitals kept for guests. He didn't remember getting a blanket before he went to sleep, nor did he remember falling asleep sitting up in the chair he was apparently in. Had he moved in his sleep? Had someone moved him, or—

"Oh, Karkat! Good, you're awake, we were beginning to wonder if it would be necessary to call in a nurse to check your vital signs. You are quite the sound sleeper; we moved you and adjusted your position and you hardly even breathed. I must mention that I am concerned about your sleeping habits, little brother, as you have not always gotten all the required hours vital for healthy growth. Perhaps that is why you are slightly stunted in your height; of course, please don't take that the wrong way. There is nothing wrong with your height, but if it worries you, I can assure you that it was nothing of your doing." Oh fuck, he knew that voice.

"Kankri, who the fuck invited you here?" were the first words out of his mouth, and he was sure he would regret them in a moment as he wadded up the itchy hospital blanket and put it on the end of Terezi's bed, rubbing the sleep-dust out of his eyes and running a hand through his mussed hair as he grunted a hello to the fourth occupant in the room: Nepeta.

"Formally? No one, I suppose I invited myself into here, which may have been a step out of line and I apologize in advance for any additional stress this may cause you, but I was bringing someone else along with me who was very concerned for your well-being. You see, Nepeta called me in quite the hurry this morning—as she seemed unable to get a hold of you or Terezi—and relayed the situation to me, which she had heard of from Misses Peixes, who had heard it from your good friend Gamzee. She was quite worried for not only Terezi's health, but yours as well, as we are all aware how low your tolerance is for stressful situations, and kindly asked me if I would come by, pick her up, and bring her here to the hospital. Seeing as I had no prior arrangements for the day, I happily obliged—"

"Okay! Okay, I get it, just shut up!" Karkat interrupted him, holding his hands out in Kankri's general direction with a pained expression, "A simple: 'I came to check on Terezi' would have sufficed."

Kankri seemed unfazed, completely calm and undeterred, "I'm sorry, have I triggered you?"

"Heehee, I think Karkitty is just purrplexed by your sudden arrival, Catkri! It has been some years since you both have confursed, correct?" Nepeta chimed in, cat-puns and all, as she adjusted her sitting position by pulling both legs up onto the chair, crisscrossed position, as she smiled kindheartedly towards Karkat, "Even though you two are brothers, you don't speak much, do you?"

"I guess you could say we don't. Karkat was never one for being entertained by my interests, and I was concerned that giving him proper privacy was a better alternative to trying to force him to interact with me. Unfortunately, it seems to have formed a rift in our relationship." Kankri said, crossing his arms over the ugliest red-sweater Karkat had ever seen in the entirety of his life. It must have been a newer addition to the man's wardrobe, because he had never seen it growing up, and Kankri made sure to wear every item of clothing at least once, as to not hurt anyone's feelings. It also made his clothes last longer, as a plus.

"Where in Hell did you get that sweater?" came out of his mouth before he could stop it. He didn't know how he hadn't seen it until now; it was the most vibrant shade of red one could imagine knitted into a giant turtleneck sweater, with not a stitch out of place anywhere. The craftsmanship was impeccable, but one would only notice it if they were able to get past the glaring color first. Karkat almost covered his eyes to keep it from burning out his retinas, but found that looking away and focusing on the navy blue of Nepeta's boots was an equally effective cure.

"Oh, this? My friend Porrim made it, isn't it lovely? Such a thoughtful gift for the oncoming cold season, I did thank her profusely for it. Doesn't she have a lovely stitching technique?" He said, admiring the article with a smile and a look of fondness in his eyes.

"What cold season, it's only two weeks into Fall! It's not even Winter yet!" He snapped at him, and Kankri opened his mouth to speak, but Terezi spoke before he had the chance to.

"Oh, Karkles, don't get to wrapped up in it. Isn't it nice just for people to make things for you? Leave your brother alone!" She chuckles, quiet and obviously pained, and Karkat takes long strides to her side, gently touching her hand before she turned it over and clasped his tightly. He leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, muttering to her so quietly no one else could have heard it.

"Are you feeling better? I'm sorry." She smiles smoothly, nodding ever so slightly as she turns her head in his direction.

"My head hurts like a bitch, but I have a feeling I am doing better than I was last night. I don't remember what happened, how did I end up here?" She opens her eyes and looks in the direction she thinks he is standing is, and he only has to adjust her head a few degrees to the right before she's looking straight at him. Even though she is blind, her eyes hold the shimmer of curiosity, and the dull sheen of fear; she wants to know the truth, but then again, she is afraid of what it may reveal. Karkat breaths in and holds it as he thinks, before letting it out slowly.

"You just hit your head off of the dresser, that's all. Right on the corner, so it broke the skin, but you're fine. You'll be able to come home in a few days." He assured her, petting her hair and squeezing her hand. Physical reassurances where just as important as emotional ones with Terezi, since she couldn't see if there was a smile on his face or guilt in his eyes. He tried not to give things away with his voice, and over the years he had become better and better, to the point where Terezi could think of his tone of voice for an entire hour and get completely the wrong idea. He was just that good.

"I hate to interrupt your moment, Karkat, but I must be taking Nepeta home now, and it would be rude of us not to say goodbye." Kankri spoke, his chair already back in place by the wall by Nepeta's, the younger girl rocking on her heels with a sad smile on her face. She knew he would never love her like he loved Terezi, and it disheartened her each time she saw him, Karkat was aware, and a ting of guilt plucked at his heartstrings as he sighed.

"Uh, yeah—My bad." He took steps to Nepeta, looked her up and down, and took in how much she had grown since the last time he had seen her. No longer the short, hyperactive, nosy little brat he knew in his high school days, but instead a proud individual with fantastic social skills.

She had become stockier than he had originally though she would be; broad shoulders, small hips, thin—yet well defined—thighs, legs, and arms. Her hair was a tornado of blonde highlights and natural black wisps under a blue, cat-shaped hat she had obviously sewn herself, judging by the messy stitching and mismatched buttons, which made the eyes. She wore a long, moss-green jacket with deep pockets that swallowed her hands and wrists; a loose, slightly baggy 'ASPCA Volunteer' work-shirt that exposed some of her shoulders and the well-defined collarbone, complete with a slightly torn-up and frayed set of sweatpants with the writing 'LEIJON' in gold going down the side of the left pant-leg. Her boots were a set he had seen commonly among teen girls in the streets, some brand called 'Uggs' or some other name that sounded like a noise of detest. He hadn't made much of an effort to remember it. After a minute or two of silence as he examined her, he leaned over and pulled her into a hug with one arm, saying faintly 'thanks for coming to visit her' before letting go, messing up the angle of her hat with a half-assed smile, but a smile nonetheless.

He turned his attention to Kankri, quickly casting a glance past the partially drawn curtain to catch the image of a sleeping John—who's arm was wrapped in a new cast and had stitches in his knee—and held out a hand, and his older brother smirked somewhat, "What, are you not going to hug your brother as well? That seems sexist to me."

"Pft. You could find something offensive about a butterfly, you dumb-dumb, now shake my hand and get out." Was his sarcastic response, with an amused grin tugged at his lips as the younger sibling extended a hand, which the older took gladly, "I guess it was okay seeing you. Just make sure I know ahead of time, so I can buy some earplugs next time."

"I will be sure to do so. Have a pleasant day, Karkat." Kankri turned to face Terezi, "And a swift recovery to you, Misses Pyrope." He extended his hand to Nepeta, who took it with a pleased smile, "A good day, to both of you. I will be sure to check up on you again soon."

"Good bye, Terezi, Karkat! I'll see you two again soon!" Nepeta said with a wave, and her and Kankri exited the room, allowing Karkat to let out a sigh of relief.

"Out of all the people who come to visit, it was them..." he muttered, and he could feel the cold sweat in his palms and on the back of his neck. He felt his heart pounding in his chest and the dizziness in his head increased dramatically. He had been suppressing it while his brother was here, because Kankri was the last person he needed worrying about him, but now it was all coming on at once and he rushed into the bathroom as he felt burning bile in the back of his throat. He hadn't eaten anything yet, so the only thing that came up was last-night's disgusting hospital parfait, bile, and water. His hands shook as they gripped the cold porcelain of the toilet seat, his stomach muscles contracting and pumped everything out of his body as his skin shined with a cold sweat. He breathed heavily, breath making tiny ripples in the clear water as he coughed up the last of the bile residing in his throat before tearing off some toilet paper and wiping his mouth and throwing it in the toilet. He flushed away what little remains of food were in his stomach from the previous evening and stood on shaking, quivering legs to look at his reflection in the mirror.

His skin was pale and the bags under his eyes made them appear as dark hollows. He can hear the rhythm of his heart beating in his ears and his palms are shaking as he flicks on the tap, squirts twice as much soap as he needs into his palms, and scrubs at his skin. He digs his nails into his skin and rubs violently, as if trying to wash away his guilt—his sorrows. His mind is lost as he washes his palms raw, his thoughts only consumed with how he hurt her, what a waste he was compared to his brother, how painful it must have been for Nepeta to see him. What did they think of him? The worst, it had to be that he was the worst. He had always been a pessimist, a rebel, a negative-thinker. Who would want him around? He was disgusting, a waste of cells and protein; nothing more than a mistake in human form, that's all he was—

He hadn't realized his hands were bleeding and that the water was scalding hot by now. He quickly pulled his hands out from under the water with a cry of pain, cursing loudly at himself as scratch marks on the tops of his hands were filling with crimson and leaving red miles of blood dripping down over his fingers as he desperately wadded up paper towel in an attempt to stop the flow. It stung, both the burns and the bleeding patches of skin, and he didn't want the nurses to think he was crazy, or that Terezi was violent, so he tried his best to do first-aid. There wasn't much in the bathroom, so he just kept dabbing at the wounds with wadded paper towel until they mostly stopped bleeding, and deemed it good. He was just about to exit the bathroom and return to Terezi when he heard a voice on the other side, speaking with Terezi. He cracked the door open just a hair, leaned in close, and listened.

"I feel like there's something wrong with Karkat that he isn't telling me... I think he's keeping it a secret because he thinks that he's gonna scare me or something..." Well, that was definitely Terezi. Who else was in the room?

"Shit, sister, even I don't know what's all up and going on with Karbro. He's been actin' real out of it lately and the gang is startin' to worry, but I'm not gonna get in his personal life. A motherfucker needs his space, ya' know?" Oh, it was just Gamzee.

"Yeah, but he'th been acting weirder than normal. When we were at the coffee thop yethterday, he wathed hith handth eight timeth before we left, and he kept looking like he thought thomeone wath gonna thoot him. It wath odd." Wait, was that Sollux? What was he doing here? Had he gotten a ride with Gamzee?

"I don't wanna confront him about it, because I think it would make him angry, and that might make it worse. We should just ignore it until we can figure out how to fix it, I think." Terezi spoke, softer than before, as if she knew Karkat was listening, and there was a moment's silence in the room before anyone said anything.

"...You mean fix both of you? That'th what you mean."

"There's nothing wrong with me."

"Sis—"

"There's nothing wrong with me!" she snaps at them, a growl ending her sentence. Karkat knew from experience that it was the silver lining separating and PS, and that it was just as easily broken as repaired. In the hospital, where she was under watch and care, he would assume Pyralsprite was less likely to appear, but it seemed that it was still a metaphorical coin toss every time she spoke to someone. There was another period of silence and a new voice spoke.

"Miss Pyrope, I've heard how Karkat talks about you... I think if there was something wrong with him, he'll tell you." Oh, it was the other patient, John. Looks like he was awake now, and had inserted himself into the conversation. You hear the soft shuffle of feet turning to the other side of the room, and there's a quick chuckle from Gamzee.

"Woah, man, where'd you come from? That's a sick cast you've got there; were you a hero for somebody? Breath life into them or something?"

"I pushed a boy out of the way of a car! He's on the floor below me, I went to visit him earlier this morning. His name is Dave, and he's got an older brother he calls Bro, though I'm not sure why? I think I'll start talking to him more." He seemed rather chipper for a boy who was in a cast and had stitches, but better glad than depressed, Karkat thought. It was said people who were positive healed faster, anyhow.

"Woah! You really are a motherfuckin' hero! Nice job, bro!" Gamzee congratulated him, and Sollux said something of the same manner before turning back to Terezi.

"Hey, lithten, TZ. I gotta make like a bee and buzz off, but I'll thop by thome other time if you're thill thuck in here in a few dayth. Tell Karkat I thaid 'hi', okay? I'll catch you later."

"Bye, Sollux! Bee careful, hehe." Karkat heard Sollux make a snapping motion at Terezi with his fingers and rolled his eyes. They made such lame jokes. He was just about to leave the bathroom, when he decided to listen to the conversation between Terezi and Gamzee a little more, to see how it played out. Chances like these don't come very often.

"That was cool of a motherfucker to come down here and chill for a little bit, wasn't it? Good thing I caught him in the lobby, cause he was pretty damn lost." Gamzee chuckled, and Karkat nudged the door open a little more and peeked through the crack, watching Gamzee stand close to Terezi's side like a faithful dog, holding her hand all the while. If one didn't know of Karkat, they may have thought they were an item.

"Yeah, but he has good intentions! No sense of direction what so ever, but he's a great friend, even if he's a little sarcastic sometimes." Terezi giggles a little and Gamzee smiles at her, not moving from his spot.

"It's a miracle he puts up with Karkat, man. A guy like that usually wouldn't mess with a fire-cracker like our crabby-friend in the bathroom. But hey, that's what miracles are; you can't decide how they'll happen."

"It's probably a miracle I'm still alive! Karkat said I hit my head really hard, and the doctors said I have a minor concussion, but I guess it could be worse. At least I'm still talking and thinking!"

"Nah, sis, you're a miracle all on your own. Never gonna be another girl quite like you." and he leans down a little, as if to press a kiss to her forehead, but then he leans lower still, and shifts forward, as if pressing a chaste kiss to her lips. From the angle he was at, Karkat was unable to decipher if it was actually a kiss or not, but as Gamzee lifts a hand, as if to wipe away at something on Terezi's cheek or at the corner of her mouth, he feels his blood boil and his heart sink a little. His best friend having an affair with his (mentally ill) girlfriend? No, they would never...

Or would they?

Having heard enough of this conversation, he shut the door silently, turning on the water before shutting it off, waiting a moment and opening the door abruptly, finding Gamzee in the original position he had been standing in, and no trace of a kiss ever occurring.

"There you are, Karkat! What took you so long? You missed Sollux!" Terezi piped up, a bright smile on her face as she faced in the direction of the opposite side of the room, even if she wasn't looking directly at him.

"Eugh, I think I caught the flu or something. My stomach hurts like a bitch." Was all he muttered, covering for his extensive time period in the bathroom efficiently, it seemed.

"Well, you haven't eaten anything today, maybe you should go get something?"

"No problem, Karbro, I can go get you something from Micky D's if you want. You too, Sis, since this hospital grub sucks pretty bad." Gamzee offered, rolling his eyes a little at the thought of hospital food. Karkat had to agree, it was pretty low-quality, and the promise of fries and a burger was more than too tempting.

"Yeah, I could really go for a quarter pounder or something, since I just vomited up everything I ate." Terezi made a gagging sound to mock him.

"EWW, Karkat! Gross! You're gonna make me feel sick too, and I really like fries and milkshakes, I don't wanna miss out on that!" she griped, and Karkat found himself snickering, amused.

"It was nasty, all yellow and green and disgusting. I think there were chunks of granola in it." He added detail to his plight, and Terezi made plenty of gagging and vomiting noises to accommodate for the low blow. They were all chuckling, even John, at Terezi outrageous acting, but they quieted down when Gamzee started taking orders.

"Okay, so, Quarter pounder—meal and all—for Karkat; Chocolate milkshake and large fries for Terezi... You want anything, kid?" He said, directing the question to John, who looked startled.

"Who, me?" He asked, as if it could be anyone else.

"Yes, you, idiot. Dammit, John, do you want something or not, the man's on a schedule here." Karkat hurried him along as he though of what he would like to eat.

"Um...Just a regular cheese burger and fries—oh, and a coke would be nice—if that's not too much?" He appeared bashful, a slightly pinkish hue coming to his cheeks as he toyed with his sheets to distract himself.

"No problem! I've got you covered, John-bro! You cats chill here till I get back, I'm probably gonna grab some wicked elixir while I'm out anyways. Shouldn't be more than thirty minutes." Gamzee remarked, slowly removing himself from Terezi's side and spinning the keys around his finger as he strolled out of the room, leaving the trio to themselves once again.

"He seems really nice, especially since I just met him and all. Are you guys close?" Asked John, attempting to make more conversation.

"Yeah, I've known him practically all my life. He's a year older than I am, and he's a dumbass from start to finish, but he's there when you need him. I guess that's all that counts." Karkat said with a shrug of his shoulders, sauntering up to Terezi and placing a kiss on the top of her head, which she responded to with a pleased hum. He noted how the light caught her auburn hair and accentuated the highlights and low-lights of its color. It graced it with volume and depth, giving it an almost unrealistically beautiful appearance. Although he would never admit it, he always saw Terezi through that rose-tinted filter everyone talked about. She was beautiful to him, and she hadn't ever stopped being beautiful, not even when she got sick. When she was diagnosed, it just enhanced her beauty in a grim sort of manner, like how flowers are most beautiful and full before they whither away and die.

He loved to look at her when she wasn't aware of it, just to study and pale of her skin against the red of her hair and the pink of her lips. The studious gaze of her grayed eyes and her long lashes made him want to kiss her a million times over until she believed that there was nothing quite as beautiful as her. He wanted to hold her and caress her skin—to feel the way she quivered beneath his fingertips and arched to the form of his body. He wanted to gaze upon her in the mornings and tell her stupid quotes from poems like 'how shall I compare thee to a Summer's day? Let me count the ways...' in an exaggerated fashion that would make her laugh. He wanted her to know that, just because they lived in a dime-a-dozen box apartment, didn't mean that they were any less than people who could afford to buy a whole apartment complex and blow it up for their pleasure. He wanted to give her the world, the moon, and the stars—if it would only make her happy for as long as she shall live. Her happiness was most important.

"What's wrong, Karkles?" she asked, leaning towards him as he rubbed her shoulder with a hand, looking down at her with a grief-filled sort of fondness before placing another kiss on her head.

"Nothing, 'Rezi. Don't worry about it." He whispered to her, and she made a noise of acknowledgment as he rubbed her shoulder soothingly, not wanting to really be anywhere other than by her side. He shut his eyes for a moment and listened to everything around him, but only for a moment. Now was not the time for reflection, that would be later. For now, he would relish in the peace of the moment.

It wasn't much later before Gamzee was back, much to everyone's delight, with McDonald's in hand. The evening was spent in pleasant conversation between the four of them—Terezi, Karkat, Gamzee and John—and although he hadn't grown up with them, the oldest three considered him an honorary member of their dysfunctional clique. As the day grew darker, each retired to bed; first John, then Terezi (who insisted Karkat go home, eat proper, and get some sleep), and after a short car-ride Karkat agreed to letting Gamzee stay the evening by sleeping on the couch.

As per the norm, Karkat was the last one to go to sleep, staring at the slightly-chipped dresser, the broken picture frame, and the eyeless scalemate that lay on the floor. He would have to fix it before Terezi found it, or she would do something stupid and try to fix it herself, and then who knows what would happen. The cancer boy inhales deep and sighs as he relaxes into his bed, examining the scalemate before setting it down on the bed. He rolls over on his side, turns off the bed-side lamp, and gets comfortable, eyes gazing at the nothingness the darkness has to offer for him visually. It takes some time, time mostly occupied by him simply laying there and wishing to sleep, but he eventually sleeps. It is restless, consumed by nightmares and plagued by guilt, and no matter how he tries he wakes up every hour more tired than before he went to sleep. At 4:13 AM, he finally sleeps soundly, too caught up in dreams of nothing too awaken again that evening.


End file.
